“Mirror Mirror on the wall, where the heck will I be next Fall”
Have you ever stood in front of the mirror and simply looked at your reflection without it being for some action like washing your face, putting on make-up, shaving, brushing your hair, or to critique the tired eyes, the skin complexion and such like. For some you would have answered yes, for some of you you are overcoming negative self beliefs and forcing yourself to look in the mirror to say an affirmation to help you through the day.
So why is it that when we look in the mirror we are not happy with what we see. It could be our body image, the fact that I seem to attract the wrong types of relationship or I cannot seem to find a good loving relationship, a good job or simply I don’t like myself. And that, dear friends is the crux of it. Our self esteem and what we think about ourselves. Many of the things we believe about ourselves is however also based on social patterning, learn t from our parents, teachers, society and even what is said to us. We carry these “teachings” and experiences around with us throughout life. Ever heard such things as: “You’re stupid”, “Do you think money grows on trees”, “Stop that crying or I’ll give you something to cry about”,”You won’t amount to anything” and similar such phrases that are directed at you when young and you begin to believe it and it often becomes how you define yourself later in life. Then you say “I’m stupid”, “I’ll never have any money, money is evil”, “I’m not good enough”. And when you don’t get that job (or lose it) or your relationship or marriage falls apart you may begin to believe parents were right and for some of you it makes it more difficult the next time you enter into the job market or try another relationship/marriage.
The root of the problem is based in the expectations that we (or others) have set in our lives and whether we have at least met, let alone exceeded those expectations. How much do you love yourself. So how do I know if my self-esteem (or lack there-of) is an issue or not because, for example, I know I don’t like my body but I still function, go to work, socialize with friends. Well, indicators may include:
- do you have a lifestyle where you are not comfortable being out except when absolutely necessary (to go to work, to get groceries)
- do you take things too personal
- are you becoming a recluse (time alone is healthy but taken to the extreme we disengage our soul from life)
- do you internalize any negative event and hold it to be true and cast in stone
- do you envy how good things happen to others but not you
- do you go overboard on the self-deprecating humour
- do you think that [good things or event] can never happen for you as you don’t deserve it
- do you choose to let others take advantage of your generous nature or feel compelled your well being be the last in line
- do you have poor boundaries (setting them or you crossing others boundaries)
- do you absorb yourself into your work excessively (some people will strive for perfection and have to prove themselves to be of value by having absurd work behaviours)
- do you have anxiety attacks, make excuses to not show up to work
- do you , in relationship, hint or throw out cues to your partner or family or friends and expect them to understand your needs and wants. If they do not pick up on the cues do you determine that you are not good enough because they did not correctly respond and that reinforces your belief that you are not good enough
- do you simply not care what happens
Turning Things Around
So if I know I need more self-esteem and zest in my life how do I go about that:
- first step is to become aware of your patterns and your triggers, capture them
- address these triggers immediately by turning the situation into something positive
- get professional help if needed, join support groups to learn what may be contributing to this position, share stories and learn from others in a similar predicament
- surround yourself with positive people who are supportive
- engage in activities that excite you
- disassociate from the negative, energy draining people or activities that you currently are compelled to stay around
- fully establish in your mind and heart the knowledge that you are as equal in soul to everyone else around you and that you have a unique contribution to life and the world. You simply have to identify it and move into that space.
- do activities that will gain you confidence
- find peers and role models to guide you
Creating New Reflections
As you choose to change your current self limiting beliefs and you reflect upon your life focus on the positive and heart warming, joyous moments first. From today you choose to embark upon a path of reflection and that each morning you look into the mirror with a commitment to explore aspects of your life that you wish to enhance; that you wish to be excited by; that you wish to change. I also suggest to set an intention that today I will make a difference in someone’s life, be of service to community or honor Nature. Enjoy the journey and see how quickly life transforms and set a goal for where you wish to be next Fall.